out of the blue

I hate it when I do something stupid that just makes everything worse. I hate everything about situations that make me do that. I hate being angry and not being sure whether I have enough reason. I hate it when people think I'm in the wrong just because I'm trying harder than anyone else not to blame people. I hate so much about what's going on.

The thing is, I'm at least partially right. I'm not completely insane. I have reason. I am the one who tries to understand people, and who MANAGES IT. Nobody beats me there. I can't argue in such situations because arguing takes indignation and I can almost always understand what the other person thinks. That's why I'm so bad at being angrily indignant.

I hate overreacting. I hate underreacting. I want to react perfectly every time.

The problem with rarely reacting angrily to things is that when you DO, it seems so much worse than it is. Some things other people do all the time, but when you do its huge. If I were to swear at someone, it would hold ten times the power as if most other people did. But it didn't even come to mind. I'm not that far gone yet.

Anger makes you unreasonable. It controls you. I don't want to let it. Now I can't face things simply, because the simple way requires being able to deal with things. I'm going to have to smash my own mind into oblivion to try. I've been trying, and it's been fruitless. Now that things are worse, I have to try harder, and I'm angry and its approaching impossibility. I can't see the end.

I just looked at the web statistics for azureabstraction.com, and it surprised me. While the operating systems of people visiting is pretty typical (98.7% Windows), the browser surprised me.

Here are browser statistics as found on w3schools.com:

March
IE 7: 0.6%
IE 6: 58.8%
IE 5: 5.3%
Firefox: 24.5%
Mozilla: 2.4%
Netscape: 0.5%
Other: 1.5%

However, on azureabstraction.com, you get a very different picture.

Firefox: 56.9%
Mozilla: 34.4%
IE: 7.3%
Safari: 0.3%
Opera: 0.2%
Netscape: 0.2%
Unknown: 0.1%
Epiphany: 0.1%

Thank you. I am proud of you guys :)

   Aaron making a fool of himself
+ Becky not giving me the time of day
+ Cami, Jenny, Rusty, Soren, and Nathan leagues away
+ lots of time to think while not participating in the loss of mind-sense upstairs
= madness

Yes, its true. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors more than the "holy" people of the day—the Pharisees. Do you think that was an accident? The Pharisees, who looked down on those they saw as less "holy" than they were, were the very people Jesus despised. The Pharisees were caught up in their contrived laws and boundaries that they weren't able to love other people. They worried more about whether others washed their hands before eating or whether someone walked a certain distances on the sabbath than with the things that mattered. They were hypocrites.

Today, many Christians are just as hypocritical as the Pharisees in the Bible. They look down on those people less "holy" than themselves. They condemn the gays and lesbians when they themselves are in fact much worse off. If homosexuality is to be considered a sin, then the only part that is sinful is the physical act of sex. Love cannot be a sin. However, those people who think themselves so high and mighty, they are the true sinners. Theirs is a sin of hate.

An internet ministry called xxxchurch.com (funny name, eh?) distributes bibles at pornography events, and they were trying to get a bible made with a cover similar to the picture at the top of the post. They ordered 10,000 copies of the custom bible from the American Bible Society, but recieved a reply that "the wording is misleading and inappropriate for a New Testament."

Are they serious? Would they stand by the statement "Jesus doesn't love porn stars." I hope not! If so, they are guilty of hypocrisy just as great as the Pharisees. Jesus loves Porn Stars JUST as much as he loves those nice holy Christians who go to church on Sunday and never considered looking at pornography. In fact, Jesus would have spent MORE time around the former sort of people: "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

That was an ironic statement, because the Pharisees needed to be saved even more than the prostitutes, but they were unwilling to listen. How many Christians today would be just as unwilling to listen to Christ's message if he came down from heaven and started preaching again? How many would condemn him as crazy, or claim that he is lowering God's standards? I suspect it would be a good deal of those that consider themselves good, upstanding Christians.

So now I'm goin' back again,
I got to get to her somehow.
All the people we used to know
They're an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter's wives.
Don't know how it all got started,
I don't know what they're doin' with their lives.
But me, I'm still on the road
Headin' for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue.

Aaron and I just went to see V for Vendetta. I am blown away. More later.

My recently played music

There's an online music service called "last.fm", which is an online database of the music people listen to. You can find people who listen to similar music, and through them find other music you might be interested in. They provide a nice rss feed for your recently listened tracks. They also provide information about what your top tracks/artists are, overall and weekly. This information is updated every once in a while, rather than constantly. It also takes a little while to get a big enough database for the data to actually mean something. I listened to a bit of Nick Drake to see what I thought of his music, and he's now one of the top artists on last.fm, whereas I've hardly listened to him ever and still prefer a lot of other music that isn't even on the list.

Anyway, I wrote/stole a php script to parse that rss feed and display it on my web site. That's where the link goes.

This service seems to be very interesting. I signed up on a whim, not because I though it was going to be extremely useful, but because it was a neat idea. Now I'm there. You might try it out too, if you want.

What happens when you post a journal entry titled "Blog" with nothing in the body but "Blog"?

This.

How quickly do you notice the anachronism in this photoshopped Renoir?

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.