Another Apology
Perhaps this one will be more deserving….
Elana: Shortly after I signed off, I wrote this, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. I wrote a lot of other stuff, but I wanted you to read this. It's exactly as it was when I wrote it, trying to grasp whatever emotions I was feeling. From around 11:15. I really hope I didn't ruin your enjoyment of your evening, but I'm afraid I might have….
"Just a minute ago, I ran away. I fled, without thinking. I'm not sure now if it was a good or a bad idea; whether it'll do more harm than good. Why did I run? I ran because I was afraid of myself. I was afraid I was doing something really stupidl I was afraid I was hurting someone. I knew I was. And the fact that I didn't realize it until then scared me. The sudden illumination that came upon me terrified me. Am I that insensitive? Am I that blind to the paion I can cause others? I couldn't face that, and in my panic, I ran.
"Now, thinking about it after the fact, I'm not even sure why I fled so furiously. I could probably have helped still, given some reassurances. But now I can't go back. I can only wait, and apologize later. Whenever you get this, Elana, I'm sorry."