Snail, falling from the skies!
There occurred today, in the region of Spokane, a very strange phenomenon, the likes of which I have never before encountered. Promptly following the end of Calculus,at approximately two of the clock, I began to perambulate in the direction of my dormitory. When I had traversed nearly one half of the distance between the two locations, my attention was siezed by something just on the edge of my field of vision. Something of the white persuasion had fallen from the sky, and had stuck a chord in my mind that sounded echoes of winter. But could this strange happening have been that thing we like to call snow? No, not possible, for the temperature had risen well above freezing by the early afternoon. On a fine day who bore a pleasant number of degrees, around forty-five by my reckoning, snow seemed highly unlikely, if not downright impossible. So, I walked on, putting the question nearly out of my mind.
Not two seconds had passed before I saw my second unidentified falling object. Then the third passed by, directly in front of me and not two feet distant. Although a quick explaination flashed through my mind of a strange individual flying overhead with a stash of styrofoam particles, it was soon displaced by the belief that, against all notions of sense and probability, it was snowing. I reached the grassy region directly in front of the noble Campion, or at least the door by which I had become accustomed to entering, and bent down to examine this strange white substance. It remained between my fingers, unlike snow, and only melted at a sluggish rate, until I commenced its demise by crushing it between the powerful digits of my right hand.
The conundrum that befell my poor, troubled mind, as the white substance flurried about my head, was that it wasn't snow–it wasn't flaky enough. It wasn't hail–it fell much too slowly to answer to that appellation. I quickly turned it over in my head, until a flash of brilliance struck me, and I was nearly bowled over by my own genious. I knew that this previously unencountered substance must henceforth be respectfully addressed by a new name! A strange combination of the lightness of snow and the icy reality of hail, this marked a new era of meteorology, in which brilliance would flare in the hitherto unremarkable principalities of Eastern Washington. It was upon us, and I was at the head!
Let everyone hail this new phenomenon, and call it by its true name (coined by perhaps the most unrecognized genious of our age):
Snail!