out of the blue

Making Light recently posted The true history of the Bush years, a compendium of Onion articles on the Bush presidency. This quote from one of the articles sums it up well:

President George W. Bush was unusually reflective in the final weeks of his administration, taking time during speeches and press conferences to look back on key decisions, expound on his legacy, and tout his role in paving the way for the nation's first African-American president….

Here are the ten that I thought were the funniest:

5 January 2005: Bush Unveils New Blind-Faith-Based Initiatives

According to a senior staff member, the sweeping initiatives—which address such complex matters as climate change, the faltering economy, and challenges to American security at home and abroad—are founded on the unquestioned assumption that the Bush Administration will "take care of everything."

9 March 2008: Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy: 'We'll Go Through Iran'

"I'm pleased to announce that the Department of Defense and I have formulated a plan for a speedy withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq," Bush announced Monday morning. "We'll just go through Iran."

5 April 2006: Critics Blast Bush For Not Praying Hard Enough

"Every time the president is criticized, he insists that the nation is in his prayers," said the Family Research Council's Bob Jensen. "That may be, but it's becoming more and more clear that these prayers are either too infrequent, too brief, or not strongly worded enough to be effective."

23 May 2006: President Bush Invokes Executive Super Powers

President Bush amazed his critics and supporters alike today when he invoked his presidential superpowers, granted by a little-known constitutional article endowing him with inhuman strength, invulnerability, and supersonic flight. At this hour the supreme court is reviewing the constitutional limits of the president's invincible powers, especially the ability to produce superheated plasma from his hands.

30 August 2006: Bush Urges Nation To Be Quiet For A Minute While He Tries To Think

In a nationally televised address Monday, President Bush urged all citizens, regardless of race, creed, color, or political affiliation, "to quiet down for just one minute" so he could have "a chance to think." …

Bush then closed his speech by exhaling sharply, tightly closing his eyes, and massaging his temples. "I just—Christ, I just need a goddamn minute, you know?" he said.

28 March 2007: Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Question Intended For Bush

White House Secret Service Agent Anthony Panucci is being called a hero after intercepting what could have been a critically damaging question aimed directly at President Bush during a press conference in the Rose Garden Tuesday….

While [Secret Service director Mark Sullivan] downplayed the possibility of a conspiracy in the incident, he said that it was only "a matter of time" before someone from this highly motivated group of well-trained reporters attempts to hit the president again.

6 June 2008: Retired Gen. George Washington Criticizes Bush's Handling Of Iraq War

"This entire military venture has been foolhardy and of ill design," said Washington, dressed in his customary breeches and frilly cravat. "The manifold mistakes committed by this president in Iraq carry grave consequences, and he who holds the position of commander in chief has the responsibility to right those wrongs."

9 July 2008: Bill Clinton Sadly Folds First Lady Dress Back Into Box

While Clinton has vowed never to wear the outfit publicly, he admitted to removing the gown from its box once before, after Hillary won the California and New York primaries. On that occasion, Clinton reportedly stood before his bedroom mirror, held the bodice to his torso, straightened his posture before extending a gloved hand outward and, in honeyed, lilting tones, repeated the line, "Oh, this old thing? Prime Minister Fukuda, you do go on."

3 November 2008: Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq

President George W. Bush has reportedly been soliciting advice from White House aides for a friend of his who ordered military forces to invade Iraq in 2003, sources said Wednesday. According to aides, Bush described his friend as a little taller than himself, a great guy when you get to know him, the president of a country, and somebody who's in a "really tough spot right now."

5 November 2008: Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis.