*see below*
I hate it when I do something stupid that just makes everything worse. I hate everything about situations that make me do that. I hate being angry and not being sure whether I have enough reason. I hate it when people think I'm in the wrong just because I'm trying harder than anyone else not to blame people. I hate so much about what's going on.
The thing is, I'm at least partially right. I'm not completely insane. I have reason. I am the one who tries to understand people, and who MANAGES IT. Nobody beats me there. I can't argue in such situations because arguing takes indignation and I can almost always understand what the other person thinks. That's why I'm so bad at being angrily indignant.
I hate overreacting. I hate underreacting. I want to react perfectly every time.
The problem with rarely reacting angrily to things is that when you DO, it seems so much worse than it is. Some things other people do all the time, but when you do its huge. If I were to swear at someone, it would hold ten times the power as if most other people did. But it didn't even come to mind. I'm not that far gone yet.
Anger makes you unreasonable. It controls you. I don't want to let it. Now I can't face things simply, because the simple way requires being able to deal with things. I'm going to have to smash my own mind into oblivion to try. I've been trying, and it's been fruitless. Now that things are worse, I have to try harder, and I'm angry and its approaching impossibility. I can't see the end.