out of the blue

Last week, on Friday, an occurance occurred that hasn't often occured before. I had been garage saling (at the same place Big Chris was on Saturday), after taking a shower. I rode my bike, and was putting my helmet on and taking it off with some regularity. Add to that the fact that it was raining off and on, and you've got an interesting hair situation. The strange part of this relates to the fact that when I got back, my hair was in tangles. That doesn't often happen. I ran my fingers through it to straigten it a tiny bit, and they got stuck. So, I did the unthinkable. I found my comb, and began running the strange apparatus through my hair. Perhaps it went unnoticed by the hordes of newspeople who are on the lookout for human-interest stories, but it certainly caused a stir in my house!

Mother: You're coming your hair?
Me: Yeah
Mother: You're combing your hair?
Me: Uh, yes.
Mother: You're coming your hair?
Me: Well, it was tangled…
Mother: You're combing your hair?

If this is something you don't do often, here's a quick step-by-step guide.

HOW TO COMB ONE'S HAIR

There are two major tools for straightening one's hair. The first, the hairbrush, can be found under the related how-to, "Brushing One's Hair" (p. 274). The second tool is the comb, which is covered in the following article.

Many people do not understand the ancient art of hair-combing. Some people may not have been exposed to it at all, living in cultures where combs do not exist or are in infrequent use, or living outside of culture entirely (see Tarzan, p. 877). Alternatively, some people have not seen hide nor tail of a comb ever since their mother stopped performing the menial task for them around age 17. Whatever the reason, some people do not know anything about the various strategies of combmanship. Since this is a basic manual, we will only cover the basics.

Holding the Comb
Although the most common use of the Comb is to make kazoos, it is not uncommon to straighten one's hair with them. An important point to stress is that one should not grasp the comb in the same manner as when playing music on it. Instead of grasping the ends, one should grab it in a sort of fist with the fingers along the top and the thumb in line with it. The spines should point towards the head, and the back of the hand should point away from it. The line of the comb should be parallel to the surface of the head.

Moving It through the Hair
The comb should be moved in a direction parallel to the strands of hair. A light pressure should be given so that the points brush against the scalp, and all the hairs are combed. (It should be noted that this is a general situation, and that more advanced combing techniques may involve artistic breaking of this rule. Before one breaks the rules, one should be sure to know them.) When the hair falls below the scalp, it may be necessary to pretend (see p. 680) that there is still scalp behind the hair in order that one will not forget to keep pressure on it to keep the spines in contact with the hair.

Dealing with Tangles
Sometimes, strands of hair will become worked into "tangles" (or, in layman's terms, "knots"). When this happens, combing may be painful, and not produce the desired results. Gentle combing may be in order, or the consultation of a professional (see Learning More). This phenomenon is beyond the scope of this guide.

Alternatives to Hair-Combing
Sometimes combing one's hair is necessary, but one really doesn't have the time required to learn a new skill. Alternatives may have unwanted side effects. Shaving it all off may give an unfortunate first impression. Wigs can be expensive, unconvincing, and also require combing, unless one is affluent enough to afford a new one on a regular basis. One advantage of wigs is that they can be hung up when not in use, thereby avoiding the condition known as "Bedheadedness." Hiring a personal hair stylist may also be out of one's price range, but is an acceptible alternative to billionaires, movie stars, or children of such persons.

Learning More
Some people consider it worth it to invest their valuable time in the study of the art of haircombing. Having a rudimnetary knowledge of the basics can be useful, but some people have professions what make it worth it, or are simply fascinated by the subject. If you want to know more, some of the following types of people may prove useful.

• Movie Stars*
• Reporters*
• Pansies
• Girls*
• Mothers
• Hair Stylists
• Barbers

* Beware of these people. They have a tendancy to think that people are stalking them, or may find such questioning insulting. Only refer to them if desperate.